i messed up. you need an explanation. and an apology..

"ha. ya know, u date a diffrent girl everyday shy, i dont need u hurting her." dawn said laughing. "i wont. because shes diffrent. and she means alot to me." i said....
yeah. she is diffrent. shes not like lacey or any other slut ive dated. So why did i have to mess this one up..the one good one i had.i lost. i lost like sand falling through the spaces between my fingers..and now i dont care, i gotta show my feelings this time. because i need alex to atleast talk to me. So im gana b a man and say wat happend.

I was at school leanin against the wall, readin some football form. at my old school i played football. So i was thinkin bout joinin the team. "ey shyler. u goin to nichole's party tonight?" my friend adam said. i was barely listening to him, i was to busy readin the form. "mmmmmmhm. you?" i said not looking at him. "yea. its sposed to be crazy!, alota girls are goin. wait, dont u gotta girl?" he said. "yup. and im goin for the party. not the girls. So more to ya kid." I said. "oh, u bore. she aint gna find out. everyones gna b drunk anyway, nothin wil get back to her." He said trying to convince me to just have fun. "No. i dont care if no one finds out, dumbass. thats not the reason. i just wouldnt do that to her, thats all." i said angrily. it made me mad even thinkin about doing that. "man shy. dont go soft on me man. since wen do u care about ur girlfriends?" i didnt answer him. honestly if he sed anything else on the subject, i would have decked him in the face. Hows that for soft?



I got ready and left for the party round 8. and adam was right, it was crazy. The place was packed with drinkers, smokers, jocs, preps, drugies,sluts, cheerleaders, football players. every cool social group u could imagine, and thier was more alcohol then anyone needed. I saw a bunch of my close friends and went over to them. They were of course, by the beer, and told me to drink somethin. after thinking about it for a while. i thought, just because i have a girlfriend, doesnt mean i cant drink.stupid choice number one. And thats wat i did. I drank. Alot. alot more then i should have. So over the course of being drunk, I haven't really done so much as to completely fuck up my life. In fact, more than anything, it has made my life much easier in a way. Yes it empties my wallet, screws up my stomach ulcers and yes, it will completely fuck up my liver eventually, but once in a while of being wasted with friends has it's benefits. But not that day. I woke up in nicholes house. But so were a bunch of other people who got rediculously drunk. I got up and went home, not saying a word to anyone. I was disapointed in myself, for getting that drunk. but i had no kind of idea wat happend the night before



I got home and my brother was in the kitchen. "ey." I said to him. going straight for the shower. "saw you at the party last night." he said turned aound making breakfast.i stoped walking "yeah?..wat happend?" i said. i was nervous as hell. i was hoping nothing bad. "ha. ask the cheerleader chick u hooked up with."... I didnt say anything. I was discusted with myself. How could i have done that. I promised. to dawn, to alex, and to myself. "fuck." i said with my eyes shut.

So here it is alex. thats all i know. Because my dumb ass was drunk. So i dont remember much. but thats what i know. And i dont wana just say sorry. because u deserve more then sorry. I fucked up real bad this time, i dont even remember the girl, and i wish i could take it back, but i cant. U deserve better. Ur a real smart, amazing girl alex. but the one real stupid move u made was dating me. because for some reason. i cant keep a good thing for more then 5 seconds. before its gone..

im Aright.

I woke up to faint wispering and a white room. at first i couldnt see, everything was blurry, but my vision got clearer as i blinked. I was so confused..i didnt even no why the hell i was hooked up to all these wires, i didnt even no why i was here.. then the doctor quit talkin to the nurse and came over to me. I sat up. "dont get up, dont get up!, u need time to heal" he said wispering quickly. i layed back down slowly. i hated doctors,they made me mad. they tried to act like they were all big and knew everything. but i just think thier a bunch of liars. cuz they tell people they gna help them, and then they dont end up ok..So i dont trust them worth nothin. anyway. The doc started askin me questions like "how u feelin, and does everything feel ok." I just looked at him like he had 12 heads. what was he talkin bout? I thought about it. and it all was comin bak. that kid i fought, he pulled a blade on me.. i had my shirt off, so i looked at my side. he cut me bad. it was from the middle of my ribs al the way to the bottom of my stomach. i had so many stiches, i didnt even no how i would b able to turn my body, it could split right open. Ive been in knife fights before. but we always made sure we sed we could use wepons, not just pull a blade wen its supposed to b a fair fight. that bastard. who the hell did he think he was puttin me in a hospital. i aint never been in one before. I had so many wires all over me, i felt trapped. i just wanted to rip them off and leave that stupid place. But thier was to many doctors in thier for me just to leave. The doctor started talkin to me, tellin me i lost 3 pints of blood. i was barely listening. all i was thinkin bout was how i was gna beat the hell outa frankie. he would hav lost that god damn fight, and he knew it to. he had no right to put me in this place for a week. he had no right to make people all upset, specially dawn, my brother, and jamie. and thats wat i was most mad about. was him makin them upset, that pissed me the hell off more then anything. He was real stupid for doin that. as soon as im outa this place he aint gna no wats comin' for his dumbass, he knifed the wrong fuckin person. But anyway..im gna b alright. So quit ur worryin. i dont need yall worryin bout me anyway. i can take care of myself.

Me and Alex's night out.

(I avoided using the word date, unlike dawn, cuz it aint a date.) I got back to my house, having just enough time to get ready and go get Alex. I dont know what i was feelin'. Maybe a mixture of nervousness, exctment, and anxiousness. My parents werent home, like always. but i didnt care, they would hav just started bitchin' at me for what ever they could think of anyway. I put on my black v-neck t shirt and my leather jacket, and walked out the door. When i got to her house, i was kinda surprised i still memberd were she lived...wats it been like 2 years? But ive always been real good with directions. As i walked up the steps I got a wave of nervousness. It freaked me out, cuz im never nervous. but Alex was always different then the other girls ive dated. Idk wat it was..maybe the fact she didnt wear dark make up or swear alot, she had class, and we always had fun together. I shaked off the nerves and rang her door bell. It took a little bit but she answered the door. I didnt kkno wat to say to her. she looked so pretty. but i didnt wana say it cuz i promised i would try to avoid the akwardness. but it was to late. i felt the wierd, akward feeling raidiating off of us. i sed hey and she sed hello. and i didnt kno wat to do. hug her? but that seemed a little forward. We walked bak to my car. She started asking me questions like, so how ya been? wat hav u been up to?, etc. i just answered her questions and asked her the same bak. after we got to the movies our conversations started getting less akward and more, idk, normal? We sat down and started watchin the movie, at that point we were foolin around and laughing, just like old times. We thought it would be funny if we threw popcorn at socs heads.funny? yes.good idea? no. We were only an hour into the movie and they had to get the manager to kick us out XD. (guess u were right alex). i didnt care all that much though..i was just happy that we were havin a good time. We thought it was hilarious that we got kicked out and laughed about stupid stuff the hole way home. instead, We decided to go bak to my house and watch a movie, i dont think we could hav gotten kicked out a thier lol. We watched some stupid movie, it was so corny that we just sat thier laughing the hole time. After the movie was over. i drove her back home. This time, i did give her a hug. and told her we should definitly do this again. and she agreed. I got home and all my parents did was yell and scream at me for somethin'. but i wasnt even payin attention, i was to busy thinkin' bout our night.

A picture of Me and alex from 2 years back.

eey guys.

im new to this so called "blog thing" and some people,(dawn), were telling me to post somethin. but. nothings really going on with me right now...and if u wana no about me, read my "about me" lol. If you wana know more, just lemme no :). il post bout somethin more inventive later :P.



Shyler