i messed up. you need an explanation. and an apology..

"ha. ya know, u date a diffrent girl everyday shy, i dont need u hurting her." dawn said laughing. "i wont. because shes diffrent. and she means alot to me." i said....
yeah. she is diffrent. shes not like lacey or any other slut ive dated. So why did i have to mess this one up..the one good one i had.i lost. i lost like sand falling through the spaces between my fingers..and now i dont care, i gotta show my feelings this time. because i need alex to atleast talk to me. So im gana b a man and say wat happend.

I was at school leanin against the wall, readin some football form. at my old school i played football. So i was thinkin bout joinin the team. "ey shyler. u goin to nichole's party tonight?" my friend adam said. i was barely listening to him, i was to busy readin the form. "mmmmmmhm. you?" i said not looking at him. "yea. its sposed to be crazy!, alota girls are goin. wait, dont u gotta girl?" he said. "yup. and im goin for the party. not the girls. So more to ya kid." I said. "oh, u bore. she aint gna find out. everyones gna b drunk anyway, nothin wil get back to her." He said trying to convince me to just have fun. "No. i dont care if no one finds out, dumbass. thats not the reason. i just wouldnt do that to her, thats all." i said angrily. it made me mad even thinkin about doing that. "man shy. dont go soft on me man. since wen do u care about ur girlfriends?" i didnt answer him. honestly if he sed anything else on the subject, i would have decked him in the face. Hows that for soft?



I got ready and left for the party round 8. and adam was right, it was crazy. The place was packed with drinkers, smokers, jocs, preps, drugies,sluts, cheerleaders, football players. every cool social group u could imagine, and thier was more alcohol then anyone needed. I saw a bunch of my close friends and went over to them. They were of course, by the beer, and told me to drink somethin. after thinking about it for a while. i thought, just because i have a girlfriend, doesnt mean i cant drink.stupid choice number one. And thats wat i did. I drank. Alot. alot more then i should have. So over the course of being drunk, I haven't really done so much as to completely fuck up my life. In fact, more than anything, it has made my life much easier in a way. Yes it empties my wallet, screws up my stomach ulcers and yes, it will completely fuck up my liver eventually, but once in a while of being wasted with friends has it's benefits. But not that day. I woke up in nicholes house. But so were a bunch of other people who got rediculously drunk. I got up and went home, not saying a word to anyone. I was disapointed in myself, for getting that drunk. but i had no kind of idea wat happend the night before



I got home and my brother was in the kitchen. "ey." I said to him. going straight for the shower. "saw you at the party last night." he said turned aound making breakfast.i stoped walking "yeah?..wat happend?" i said. i was nervous as hell. i was hoping nothing bad. "ha. ask the cheerleader chick u hooked up with."... I didnt say anything. I was discusted with myself. How could i have done that. I promised. to dawn, to alex, and to myself. "fuck." i said with my eyes shut.

So here it is alex. thats all i know. Because my dumb ass was drunk. So i dont remember much. but thats what i know. And i dont wana just say sorry. because u deserve more then sorry. I fucked up real bad this time, i dont even remember the girl, and i wish i could take it back, but i cant. U deserve better. Ur a real smart, amazing girl alex. but the one real stupid move u made was dating me. because for some reason. i cant keep a good thing for more then 5 seconds. before its gone..